Sharing from BGR Talk by Lionel

Becoming the Hero, waiting for the Princess (Part 1)

Being in an all boys school since primary school, the only girls I knew then other than my cousins were 2 of my father’s friend’s daughters who are both much older than me. And strangely I have never been interested in girls even in secondary school. I remember that in the gang of 8 of us that hang out often my other friends would be talking about girls all the time, tea parties, who is chio and always seems to be changing girlfriends like changing clothes.

It was always this cycle: a new girl is introduced to the group, we go out a few times and then it would be drinking session to nurse a broken heart. A funny thing was that a friend of mine had girlfriends named April, May and June one after the other! Haha! We always made fun of him that if a girl could be named July then it would be his girlfriend!

It was then that I decided that I only want to have one girlfriend that would become my wife and I was determined that for that to happen, I must get ready to be in a relationship …. Get ready for what? I was also discovering that as I went along.

I had my first girlfriend when I was in Uni year 2. I thought I would be ready then. She was from the same cell and I guess the love blossomed when we would plan for worship together; she led worship while I played the guitar. Then I would walk her back from Hall 6 my room to Hall 7 where she stayed. Mind you thou it seems that it’s just the next block, Hall 7 is on the other side of campus. Then it was thru other opportunities of dinner and studying together for the exams that I plucked up enough courage to tell her that I like her and asked her to be my girlfriend. Even thou she wasn’t everything that I wanted in a girlfriend I thought that maybe she will change or I will grow to accept that part of her because I loved her. And that’s how my first relationship started.

We lasted for 2 and half years. A year into her working life we realized that what she wanted in a relationship had changed and I realized that I wasn’t as ready to be in a relationship as I thought I would be. It wasn’t a very clean break and things were pretty chaotic for 8 months before it was truly through, and then began the 3 years of picking up the pieces.

Some of the lesson I learnt from that relationship was:
1. Don’t change who you are to fit into the relationship. It will not last and you will feel stifled and even lose yourself. You start to do things that you know you have to do but grudgingly and that will poison the relationship. Find someone that you can be yourself with, good or bad. That would help you two love each other more.

2. Open communication helps to eliminate any misunderstandings that would cause bitterness with each other. Sometimes we think that maybe it would be better that the other party not know about certain things. But having to keep a secret just makes you appear shifty and breeds distrust. Even if being truthful will result in arguments, working thru it will help to grow the relationship deeper. Honesty is the best policy in a relationship.

3. I was not as ready as I thought. I was not sure about what kind of a man I needed to be so that I can be depended upon as a husband. Though I started on the right foot, of wanting just one girlfriend, I still made a mess of things coz I did not learn how to include someone else into my life. I remember very clearly what my supervisor then said: It takes one complete person and one complete person to make a complete relationship. It requires you to be first secure of your position in Christ, healed of past hurts and aware of your own weaknesses and strength, and ready to put someone else’s needs as more important than yourself, then you are QUITE ready to start. Why only quite? Coz if you go ahead without the blessing of God, no matter how humanly ready you are, things will still fail. 100% man, 100% God.

I spent almost a year sorting out my emotions and trying to set my heart right so as not to carry any baggage into my next relationship, which would doom it right away, before I started to socialize again.

Stay tuned for Part 2..........


Lionel

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Ahhhhhhh I love Star wars

When I saw this video I was jumping non stop....
hope you enjoy it as much as i Did....hahaha

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What is church all about?

Something for all of us to think about

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News from SP.Primers

Hello family,

this is for you who are wondering what we are doing as a ministry in Singapore Poly. This is our publication that was done up by the publicity team in Primers. Hope you Enjoy!

Kenny Foo

Pub08 Ohana Oct

Get your own at Scribd or explore others:

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Aftertots from the BGR Talk

The journey that God brought me through, preparing myself for THE relationship

Just in case some of you might just be thinking, “You mean you have only liked one in your life? Do you not even have crushes?” No. Li Ting had crushes before, one in primary, one in secondary school, one in JC, one in university, but they just never got developed into a BGR sort. Why? Simply, I trust that God had protected me (not that these boys are harmful, but there were just not at the right time). For some, when I was tempted to begin a relationship with someone, the two questions I would ask myself were:

1. Is he Christian? A man after God’s heart?
2. Can I live with him? (Is he a husband material?)

If for any one of these questions, the answer is a ‘no’. I would move on. By God’s grace and strength, I moved on, trusting that my Heavenly Father would know me best.
One precious revelation that God showed me was the 1X1=1 rule of relationship. The impression I had from the media for a long while was that the rule of relationship was that of ½ + ½ = 1 until God changed that old mindset. It is said in Genesis 9:7 (NIV), “As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; MULTIPLY (capitalized for effect here) on the earth and increase upon it.” Mathematically God said multiply and not add to the number. Spiritually, in Genesis 2:24 (NIV), it is mentioned, “For this reason, a man (one man) will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (one wife), and they will become one flesh.” 1 man X 1 wife = 1 flesh. I realized the importance to be whole and complete as a person in a relationship. I do not want to be found saying to my other partner, “you complete my life.” Before, I commit myself to a relationship; I want to first be happy and satisfied being a single. And I knew I can only be whole and complete in God. Only He only can satisfy the desires of my heart, no one else can. This is the verse I held on to while happy waiting: Song of songs 2:7 (NIV), “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

I believed that the one relationship I would have would lead to marriage, the one boyfriend I had would be my husband. And God was true to the promise He placed in my heart. There is no need to have many relationships so that we’ll be more experience in relationship issues and that each relationship after that would just get better. Not true! Every relationship broken is one piece of your heart being taken away. Yes, God will heal. I believe with all my heart that God can heal and make us whole again but please there is no need to have yourselves gone through such heartaches and make God work harder. If a relationship is broken and not have a proper closure, you might just be carrying more baggage into a new relationship, can then could it be better than the previous?

The elders of the church would advise, “Before you look for the right one, be the right one.” Such wisdom found in this statement! How to be the right one? Well, it will have to be more than just the looks. And I thank God for that. For I do not have the physical look that would grant me entry into beauty pageants, that does that mean I would have to be left on the shelf for a long time? Of course not! 1 Peter 3:3-4 mentions, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Girls, if you are to be found of such worth in God’s sight, trust me, your Heavenly Matchmaker would tell the worthy son of His to come for you. Don’t just bank on physical looks to attract the opposite sex. Come on, we’ll all age, we can’t be 18 all our life. Have a diversified ‘investment’ portfolio to up your ‘market’ value. Invest your time, energy to grow yourself in other areas too like spiritual, ministry, emotional, intellectual, cultural, family and financial. These were the areas shared by Pastor Cesar’s daughter some years back when she spoke at the G12 conference; I shall claim no credits here. She shared too that you can use the same 8 areas to write down what are the three most important traits (to each area) you would like your future spouse to have. This exercise can help you to know what is important to you. And finally if the one would really to appear, you would know why or what you really like about each other rather than saying, “Oh, he’s a nice guy.” “Oh, she’s a nice guy.” Well not all nice people are the right one.

The one that God brought into my life is currently my beloved husband, David. We already had some friendship to begin with. We were in the same ministry for some time and before G12 come into place for Youthnet, he was my cell leader a few months. David took about nine months to know me more before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I would refer to those days as my courtship days, and David had made those days interesting and purposeful. He would testify that I am of a different kind as compared to his previous girlfriends. He told me that he spoke to his leader before about how different I am and was uncertain if the relationship would really worked out. His leader only prompted him to realize that maybe the old idea of what kind of girl he wanted to be with didn’t work and to give this relationship a try. And the verse that God gave him was from Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” I was humbled by the way God brought us together. After he popped the question, I took two months to give him an answer. I knew I liked him when he courted me and the day he popped the question, I could still remember how overjoyed I was to hear it from his mouth for I have waited for months. Till today, I would still tell him how much I appreciate him for chasing me, that he made the moves, that he popped the question. The truth that always anchored in my heart is that he cherishes me. During the two months I made him waited, I made an unusual request. I asked that he would give me two character references that I could meet to hear from them about him. It was an interesting experience to hear from his cell leader and his good friend about him for they have known him well for years and that would give me a good idea if he is consistent to the impression he gave me. On hindsight, I was surprised myself I made such a request. He gave me the freedom to meet up with them in his absence. With such confidence I guess, he would have won half of the ‘battle’, even before I meet up with them on separate occasions.

I still remember I blessed I was in the relationship because there were so much community support and blessings. I knew all these were possible because all the while when he was chasing me, he kept the leaders and the pastors in the know, I was kind of the last to know. But then, why should it matter. 

Li Ting

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