A New Beginning – The Search for Significance

As Pastor Danny shares his new beginning, I began to remember my new beginning too ... His was one that has a very powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit and God ... Mine was just a deep need in my life that cries out to someone bigger than I am to meet that need in my life!


I remember the day when I raise my hand to give my life to God, there was no revelation or words released, there was neither any booming voice nor any tinkling sensation in my heart. It was just a normal Good Friday cell event but I just raised my hands because I wanted to feel important and belonged to a person or a place. To me, I’m looking for recognition, appreciation and love. That year, I was 16!

In my life before knowing God, I deeply yearned to be significant. I tried my best to please everyone around me. I never dared say “NO” to my friends. I never dare to be who I really am in front of them. I was never a leader. I don’t even dare to share with my friends about my family for fear that they would look down on me.

My dad was an alcoholic and never brought in the bacon. He got into trouble with the illegal moneylenders and then left the family to handle the harassment. There were days when he would get home really drunk and things got all smashed up in the house and I’ll be crying in my room and pretending that I didn’t hear anything.



I was very ashamed of my background and it very much affected my self-esteem. My journey in searching for my significance – my self-worth – began after knowing God. I tried to be smart, so that I can prove to the world that I am capable. I tried to give in to the demands of all around me so that I can feel the approval of men. I always feel great shame within me and refuse to talk about my family and I blame my parents many times for not giving me a complete family. Oh, and not forgetting that I always felt that I was not attractive at all compared to all my classmates. The day when I really began to understand more about the struggles internally was half a year after I accepted Christ. I went to work in church for 2 months after O levels. The pastors then brought us through the search for significance. From then, I began to experience what it really means to say:

“The truth shall set you free”.

“I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing and totally accepted by God, complete in Christ.”

These words still ring in my mind every other day ... I’ve memorised them and recite them as often as I need to remember that my esteem, my self-worth, my significance is based on how God views me and not how the world views me. I encouraged you to do the same.

In the weeks ahead, I’ll share with all of you my journey as a youth in my search for significance. Who I am is really because of who God is. Remember this journey will not be possible unless you have that personal encounter with God and His Holy Spirit!!!

Would you take a minute to watch this video? May it speak to you as it has always spoken to me.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind.” (Rom 12:2a)

Love,
Ps Evelyn.