A good shepard

Carl Roger, the guru of person-centered therapy, says that an effective therapeutic relationship has these 3 essential elements:

1. Empathy - the client must be able to sense that warmth and understanding that comes from the counsellor.
2. Congruency - the counsellor must at least appear to be real about wanting to help. What he says must match with what he does. Clients can tell a fake straightaway!
3. Unconditional Positive Regard - the client must feel that he is accepted for who he is and not judged for the issues that he will be telling the counsellor.

Consider this: Isn't this the same in the relationship between a sheperd and his sheep?

1. Godly Compassion - Your sheep must sense that warmth from you which will draw them (and others) towards you.
In Col 3:12, God tells us that even as we are born again in to the new self, we need to 'put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience'..... and in verse 14 'beyond all these things put on love.' Hear this truth: your sheep DO NOT NEED to listen to you as much as you NEED to listen to your shepard... we all CHOOSE to listen because God first loved us and therefore we obeyed His instructions. It is a matter of choice. You need to win your sheep over with love and compassion before they will follow you. Why does your sheep follow you? Out of obedience or out of seeing God's compassion in you?

2. Outstanding Integrity - Your sheep can tell if you are just 'playing leader'. You need to be real about what you teach them about God!
Many of us live double lives. On sundays we appear to be Godly man after God's heart and on the other days we become what the world wants us to be. Worse, we become what we think the world forces us to be in order to survive. Do not be deceived. Romans 12:2 says: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." We can't serve 2 masters. Be real! God has said that whoever confesses his sins He who is righteous and just will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteous (1 John 1:9).

Another phenomenon is this: that a leader treats this as a part-time job and does not put his whole heart into this. John 10:11-16 compares between a shepard and a hireling. A shepard 'lays down his life' while a hireling flees at the first sign of trouble. There is no way your can be an effective leader to mentor your people if you do not 'lay down your life' for them. You need to be real in this so that they can see that you are serious with them. Otherwise how would they learn to hear your voice and know you?

3. Declining Judgement - Why would your sheep tell you their secrets if they know you will judge them and throw the bible at them?
Luke 6:37 writes: "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned." No one likes to be judged... and especially not from someone you know who is not perfect. We would feel unjustified and even angry at someone who judges us based on their own 'biased' assessments. Ever felt that before? We start to think things like 'He thinks he is so great? He also like that what!' or 'He should sort out his life before he pokes his nose into my affairs!' or 'Whoever made him God!! " This is the same when we judge others and jump to conclusions about others: We have passed judgement.

Do not be mistaken, there is a difference in MAKING judgements and PASSING judgements. It is nearly impossible not to make judgements but it is entirely possible to refuse passing judgement onto others. It also helps you in your relating with that person.This opens the way for people to feel safe about sharing their lives with you, which always starts from the good things to the not so good things to the downright bad things. They need to feel that Godly acceptance. How deep is ur relationship with your sheep and your spiritual family? This might be a good gauge as to how they see you.

I purposely chose the words so that the first letters form the word GOD. This is a reminder: that we are all made in the image of God who is THE perfect shepard.

Lionel Chan