Aftertots from the BGR Talk

The journey that God brought me through, preparing myself for THE relationship

Just in case some of you might just be thinking, “You mean you have only liked one in your life? Do you not even have crushes?” No. Li Ting had crushes before, one in primary, one in secondary school, one in JC, one in university, but they just never got developed into a BGR sort. Why? Simply, I trust that God had protected me (not that these boys are harmful, but there were just not at the right time). For some, when I was tempted to begin a relationship with someone, the two questions I would ask myself were:

1. Is he Christian? A man after God’s heart?
2. Can I live with him? (Is he a husband material?)

If for any one of these questions, the answer is a ‘no’. I would move on. By God’s grace and strength, I moved on, trusting that my Heavenly Father would know me best.
One precious revelation that God showed me was the 1X1=1 rule of relationship. The impression I had from the media for a long while was that the rule of relationship was that of ½ + ½ = 1 until God changed that old mindset. It is said in Genesis 9:7 (NIV), “As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; MULTIPLY (capitalized for effect here) on the earth and increase upon it.” Mathematically God said multiply and not add to the number. Spiritually, in Genesis 2:24 (NIV), it is mentioned, “For this reason, a man (one man) will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (one wife), and they will become one flesh.” 1 man X 1 wife = 1 flesh. I realized the importance to be whole and complete as a person in a relationship. I do not want to be found saying to my other partner, “you complete my life.” Before, I commit myself to a relationship; I want to first be happy and satisfied being a single. And I knew I can only be whole and complete in God. Only He only can satisfy the desires of my heart, no one else can. This is the verse I held on to while happy waiting: Song of songs 2:7 (NIV), “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

I believed that the one relationship I would have would lead to marriage, the one boyfriend I had would be my husband. And God was true to the promise He placed in my heart. There is no need to have many relationships so that we’ll be more experience in relationship issues and that each relationship after that would just get better. Not true! Every relationship broken is one piece of your heart being taken away. Yes, God will heal. I believe with all my heart that God can heal and make us whole again but please there is no need to have yourselves gone through such heartaches and make God work harder. If a relationship is broken and not have a proper closure, you might just be carrying more baggage into a new relationship, can then could it be better than the previous?

The elders of the church would advise, “Before you look for the right one, be the right one.” Such wisdom found in this statement! How to be the right one? Well, it will have to be more than just the looks. And I thank God for that. For I do not have the physical look that would grant me entry into beauty pageants, that does that mean I would have to be left on the shelf for a long time? Of course not! 1 Peter 3:3-4 mentions, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Girls, if you are to be found of such worth in God’s sight, trust me, your Heavenly Matchmaker would tell the worthy son of His to come for you. Don’t just bank on physical looks to attract the opposite sex. Come on, we’ll all age, we can’t be 18 all our life. Have a diversified ‘investment’ portfolio to up your ‘market’ value. Invest your time, energy to grow yourself in other areas too like spiritual, ministry, emotional, intellectual, cultural, family and financial. These were the areas shared by Pastor Cesar’s daughter some years back when she spoke at the G12 conference; I shall claim no credits here. She shared too that you can use the same 8 areas to write down what are the three most important traits (to each area) you would like your future spouse to have. This exercise can help you to know what is important to you. And finally if the one would really to appear, you would know why or what you really like about each other rather than saying, “Oh, he’s a nice guy.” “Oh, she’s a nice guy.” Well not all nice people are the right one.

The one that God brought into my life is currently my beloved husband, David. We already had some friendship to begin with. We were in the same ministry for some time and before G12 come into place for Youthnet, he was my cell leader a few months. David took about nine months to know me more before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I would refer to those days as my courtship days, and David had made those days interesting and purposeful. He would testify that I am of a different kind as compared to his previous girlfriends. He told me that he spoke to his leader before about how different I am and was uncertain if the relationship would really worked out. His leader only prompted him to realize that maybe the old idea of what kind of girl he wanted to be with didn’t work and to give this relationship a try. And the verse that God gave him was from Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” I was humbled by the way God brought us together. After he popped the question, I took two months to give him an answer. I knew I liked him when he courted me and the day he popped the question, I could still remember how overjoyed I was to hear it from his mouth for I have waited for months. Till today, I would still tell him how much I appreciate him for chasing me, that he made the moves, that he popped the question. The truth that always anchored in my heart is that he cherishes me. During the two months I made him waited, I made an unusual request. I asked that he would give me two character references that I could meet to hear from them about him. It was an interesting experience to hear from his cell leader and his good friend about him for they have known him well for years and that would give me a good idea if he is consistent to the impression he gave me. On hindsight, I was surprised myself I made such a request. He gave me the freedom to meet up with them in his absence. With such confidence I guess, he would have won half of the ‘battle’, even before I meet up with them on separate occasions.

I still remember I blessed I was in the relationship because there were so much community support and blessings. I knew all these were possible because all the while when he was chasing me, he kept the leaders and the pastors in the know, I was kind of the last to know. But then, why should it matter. 

Li Ting