Lionel's Sharing

Becoming the Hero, waiting for the Princess (Part 2)

I first heard of this name “Xiangru” from a friend Amos during Uni Year 4. And then somehow that name just stuck in my head for the longest time. I remember that after I graduated from Uni, in one of the chilling out times with Shixiong at ECP where we talked at the Coffeebean, we were talking about our ‘Top 10 list of potential girlfriends’. Xiangru was one of them but I just dismissed it coz at that time I could not foresee how I would get to know her and not to mention start anything.

I finally got to formally know Xiangru in 2003 during one of the retreats at Sentosa Scripture Union. I remember I introduced myself to her and then went on to tell her what I know about her. It was just a simple intro during an ice-breaker. We did not like talked much after that till the Family Camp at PL end of 2003. What caught my attention was when she referred to a joke I made during the camp as one of the moments she will remember about the camp. At that time there was still nothing special going on.

Then I screwed up. Thinking that it was ok to explore with a few girls at the same time, I decided to get to know 2 girls better at the same time in 2004. I asked Xiangru out for supper and she agreed! We had roti prata at Jalan Kayu. Later I got to know that firstly, she dun normally eat supper and secondly, that was the first time she was out with a guy on a one on one date! I would also go on single dates with the other girl and often sent her back and walked her up her place. To top it off, I would tell them about each other so as to ensure transparency. Haha! That was what I thought! Honest! During the whole time Ps Danny was telling me about how Xiangru would be a better choice and that the other girl was not ready and had issues. I refused to listen and even told him that I knew her better than he did. I ignored what my brothers told me.

Well, it all exploded in my face when on one hand I did not know how to ‘reject’ the other girl and on the other hand my actions have already put Xiangru off big time. All 3 parties were getting hurt. The pastors had to step in to close the matter. On separate occasions I had to apologies to the girls and end things. I admitted my mistakes and was ready to face whatever things that might come. The other girl even scolded me on her blog with some vicious words. Angry as I was I knew I deserved it.

It was only then that I realized that what Ps Danny was telling me about her was true. This made me surer that I wanted to start something with Xiangru but it was already too late. I really handled things very badly. This resulted in 2 years of having minimal contact with Xiangru. When Ps Laifun asked me once whether it would ever be possible for things between Xiangru and I, I told her that it would require a miracle. The other girl just faded away and even left church. Sometimes I wonder if it was me who caused her to leave. It was something that I had to settle with God.

In the 2 years of no contact, I gave my life anew to God and the cell was born. It started with Kevin, Gavin, Darren…. Then was Brandon, Xianbin, Ryan, Don, Nigel… then Eugene, Bjorn Ng, Bjorn Liu, Gifford, Xunfu… just to name the few familiar ones. God just brought these lives one by one to me without me lifting a finger. And for two years I poured my life into theirs and just concentrated on them. Personally I worked on my weaknesses. I gave up meeting my female friends on single dates coz I knew that was something that Xiangru did not like. I realized that I was someone that would say anything to save my skin and I was good at it, which made it even harder for me to change that part of me. I also had to work hard to clear the emotional baggage I had and re-learn how to be friends with females maintaining a proper and healthy boundary.

It was a humbling 2 years......

Last part coming up! :)

Lionel